It could be that I haven't had a night at home among all the children's activities, but I'm feeling quiet, solemn and depressed with a bit of anger mixed in.
I can't help but let my mind wander to my ex's "new" family. I feel cheated and distraught for myself and our daughter. She basically hasn't had a father since she was four. How is it fair in any sense of the word that this new child gets a full-time dad when mine had to settle for less than a part-time one. His stepson will get more attention and benefits than she ever did. He's HER dad!!! Yet, she has to do without.
Yes, I broke off our relationship for his failure to commit. (He's only married now to save face and because he thinks it's the easy way out.) However, I did not break off the father-daughter relationship. He's the one who backed away and quit. I live my life and do what I need to do for my family. Of course all his anger and blame comes back to me. My daughter is well aware of everything. I don't hold back. That way everything can come back and bite him.
I guess I take comfort in the fact that she's coming along just fine and it doesn't seem to matter too much. She does have some trust issues and emotionally reverts sometimes. He doesn't even realize the mental impact his decisions have on her.
As selfish as it is I, also, relish in the knowledge that his wife is getting what she deserves. She selfishly took a father away from his child, 10 hours away, and has started her own family with him. She did not marry a good person. He was at once, but has changed so much. He's not even supporting them and is using her mother and family. He has not proved himself to be a very upstanding man. As a fellow woman I would never involve myself romantically with a man that has distanced himself from his children for whatever reason. I guarantee their marriage will end within 5 years or they will have the same relationship his parents do. He will stay married to her for financial reasons and have numerous affairs. She will be too weak to leave.
The whole marriage thing is just odd. He has dated her a couple of times, but had little interest in her. Cheated and left every time. He even moved alone while they were dating for his job. When he told me of his marriage I asked him why and I really couldn't understand it. The whole unexpected pregnancy makes it all make sense. They posted nothing of their marriage on the popular networking site until the day of the wedding. Our daughter got an invitation the day of, two hours before. They put up an album and friend's comments were along the lines of, "What?" and "You got married?" The baby is no different. It's at least 5 months along and no one has said a word. They have nothing posted and friends haven't asked or said anything. I suppose they'll just post pictures and have everyone figure it out. Seems like they're both embarrassed and stuck in this situation. If they were so in love and happy you'd think they'd be shouting their joyous news everywhere.
This was not an act of love, but an act of survival.
When I look at it realistically I'm doing the right thing. I know what's best for my family and myself. I'm raising my children to be independent upstanding citizens. I've come along further on my own than I probably ever would have with him.
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