I guess I don't feel like getting into this much after all. I'll finish my story and venture onto other things...
Fresh out of high school by about a month I find out we're pregnant. He told me not to worry he'd take care of us. We were afraid to tell anyone because we were such goody-goodies growing up. This was definitely not anything we had planned at the moment. We did plan to marry and have children after college. We hid it for about nine months while we both attended college. We lived in dorms close to each other, I didn't show much and everyone assumed it was the Freshman 15. We told our families right at the start of the 2nd semester and had our daughter one month later. I took a semester off and his life went on as usual. I still loved him to death, but we didn't rush marriage. We weren't financially stable, being only 19, and I wanted to marry for the right reasons. I raised our daughter in my parents house so I could still attend college and help provide a better life for my family.
My parents made things hard on him, but at the same time he was not as responsible to us as he should have been. He still went out and he still attended all his regular activities. I can't say I didn't resent that. My life consisted of school and baby. He got angry when I couldn't make it out with him. I, also, found out he never informed his friends we had a baby at home. My parents babysat while I was at school and his mom was too busy raising his sister's kid. I guess after 4 years all the little things grew and grew. He never put a ring on my finger, but did tell me I could tell people we were engaged?! I don't think he didn't want to marry me, but he's not one for making decisions and taking control. If I had brought the issue to him and said this is what we're doing we'd be married today. That's the one thing I wanted him to do on his own. I found someone else and left.
No, It was not the right way to go about things. There was so much going on in my life at that point. So many things I felt like I had no control over. I suppose this was the one thing I could change and I did. Unfortunately, this is the biggest regret of my life and has been the jumping point of so many bad things. I started dating Brian, but after 9 years and a child I really missed John. We tried to get back together twice, but there was too much anger on his side from my decision to leave him.
I ended up pregnant again. Because of the on again-off again trying to get John back into my life I assumed the baby was his. He assumed it was not and ran off to a state 12 hours away, leaving his daughter and I to fend for ourselves. I, of course, had to get court ordered child support to make ends meet and this was the end of the end. I guess I found out what was more important to him, money won. Still, 7 years later, when anything goes wrong or he's angry I get a phone call or text about child support. I'm a liar, blah, blah, blah. I'm sure it's all the same for custodial parents with angry exes. I never lied about anything and I did nothing wrong getting support for my daughter. I did find out the baby was not his, but in fact Brian's. This was definitely not a position I wanted to be in especially at that moment. But, that's what happens when you're not being careful enough.
John has been in and out of our daughter's life (she is 11). Moved back toward us for a little bit. Currently, he has impregnated another girl and had a shot-gun wedding. I'm pretty sure she planned it all and all he had to do was show up. Which is funny because he has told everyone our daughter is all he needs. He had no plans to marry anytime soon or have more children. That's even why his last relationship ended. His gf of about 2 years wanted to get married and start a family. He didn't and she left. He got back with the nastiest girl he's ever dated. I guess she finally found a way to keep him.
I firmly believe because of their past relationships he is not in love with her, but rather needs a free place to live and doesn't want to pay two child supports. They live with her mom, aunt, uncle and her son from another man. It's a messed up situation that I don't really want my daughter to be a part of. I guess he has shown his true colors and I should be thankful not to be with a man that can't even support his new family. I am angry and bitter about it. She and her two children get something I've wanted since I was 13. As a smart woman I do know that living in my mom's house at 30 with an irresponsible husband would not have been something I wanted. But, I can't help but wonder what might have been. Was it the end of us that turned him into this pathetic angry monster or was I just too blind to see it for the 9 years I was in love with him?
All of this sounds crazy and trailer park. I promise I'm from a nice normal upper-middle class family. I was raised well. Sometimes things just get out of hand. I graduated from a very good college with a bachelor's degree. I work full-time and own my own home. My children attend a local private school. We do well for ourselves, but we do without as well. It's a fine balancing act and everyone is taken care of.
Well, that's basically the story of my life at this point and my journey into motherhood.
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